Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
