I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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