The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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