We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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