4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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