my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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