just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
