do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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