Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
