I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
