My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
3 2 1 whiskey
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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