he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
