I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
