Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
