I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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