Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
