Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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