I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
