R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
