The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
