Screwed.edu
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize