mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
