My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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