Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
