the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
