im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
