mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
