i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
