Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize