i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
