Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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