I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
