Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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