Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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