I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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