So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
