Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please come you make the beer taste better
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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