I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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