my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
