It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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