Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
