Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
