Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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