I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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