Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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