Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
