I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
