after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
