she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
