OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
