Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
