You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
