Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
