She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
