I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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