my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
