A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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