can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
