was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
