Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone shattered a urinal.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
