Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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