I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
