Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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