So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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