I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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