the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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