I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do vagina's smell?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
