WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
