apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
