Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
