I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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